Shawn Carter was born December 4th Weighing in at 10 pounds 8 ounces He was the last of my four children The only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him And that's how I knew that he was a special child They say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone" So on that note I'm leaving after this song So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay, so long At least let me tell you why I'm this way, hold on I was conceived by Gloria Carter and Adaness Revees Who made love under the Sycamore tree Which makes me A more sicker emcee than my momma would claim At ten pounds when I was born I didn't give her no pain Although through the years I gave her her fair share I gave her her first real scare I made it from birth and I got here She knows my purpose wasn't purpose I ain't perfect I care But I feel worthless cause my shirts wasn't matching my gear Now I'm just scratching the surface cause what's buried under there Was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared I went to school got good grades could behave when I wanted But I had demons deep inside that would raise when confronted Hold on Shawn was a very shy child growing up He was into sports And a funny story is At four he taught his self how to ride a bike A two wheeler at that Isn't that special? But, I noticed a change in him when me and my husband broke up Now all the teachers couldn't reach me And my momma couldn't beat me Hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me, so With that disdain in my membrane Got on my pimp game Fuck the world my defense came Then Dahaven introduced me to the game Spanish Jose introduced me to cane I'm a hustler now My gear is in and I'm in the in crowd And all the wavy light skinned girls is loving me now My self esteem went through the roof man I got my swag Got a vocal from this girl when her man got bagged Plus I hit my momma with cash from a show that I had Supposedly knowing nobody paid Jaz wack ass I'm getting ahead of myself, by the way, I could rap That came second to me moving this crack Gimme a second I swear I will say about my rap career Til '96 came niggas I'm here Good-bye Shawn use to be in the kitchen Beating on the table and rapping And um, until the wee hours of the morning And then I bought him a boom box And his sisters and brothers said that he would drive them nuts But that was my way to keep him close to me and out of trouble Good-bye to the game all the spoils, the adrenaline rush Your blood boils you in a spot knowing cops could rush And you in a drop your so easy to touch No two days are alike Except the first and fifteenth pretty much And "trust" is a word you seldom hear from us Hustlers we don't sleep we rest one eye up And a drought can define a man, when the well dries up You learn to work the water without working, of thirst you'll die yup And niggas get tied up for product And little brothers ring fingers get cut up To show mothers they really got 'em And this was the stress I live with til I decided To try this rap shit for a living I pray I'm forgiven For every bad decision I made Every sister I played Cause I'm still paranoid to this day And it's nobody fault I made the decisions I made This is the life I chose or rather the life that chose me If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black If you can't respect that your whole perspective is wack Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black